TSP’s Rabish Ki Report E07 | Football ka Fever

You got that, didn’t you! You drive really well,
even better than Neymar. Will you teach me? Sir, first of all, it’s called dribbling.
Secondly, it’s not that easy. -Forget it.
-Forget it? I am known as the master of dribbling
in the universe of Journalism When I save a breaking news from Arnub then stun Sambit Batra, then
pass to and from Barkha The government doesn’t even realise when
I score a goal in the people’s hearts. -Understood?
-No. It’s not that easy. Forget it, eh. Go, bro. Go play. Anyway The football fever has boiled
everyone’s brains in India I’m talking about the very football
that no one cares about for 4 years, similar to how a girl’s brother
treats her boyfriend. And when it’s time for the world cup,
they show it excessive love similar to when that boyfriend becomes
his father’s son-in-law. We’ve come here to measure
that very fever. At this sports bar with this thermometer. I’m a fan of Ronaldo
and Messi too, but I’m truly loyal to Chhetri. Hello, I’m Raja Rabish Kumar. Episode – 7
Football Fever As soon as I entered, the game
and the party were both at their peak. People had drinks
in their hands, with their eyes fixed on the screen
as if the screen was their snack We first met a type of football fan that
comes to a sports bar during this romantic football season
in search of a girl. Where else can I go, Raja Ji? All
the pretty girls are fans of footballers. They come here to watch the world cup
so I come here following them. Aren’t girls fans of a guy like Ronaldo?
How are you going to impress them? Raja Ji, if you think practically, not
every Anushka can get a Virat. So if they don’t get Ronaldo,
then someone like him should do. At least half of their dreams
should come true, right? Well, if not 100%, there has to be
at least 2% of Ronaldo, right? But your face looks like Guru Chela. Raja Ji, you fell for it, didn’t you?
You were misled, weren’t you? -Is that so?
-Spoke about the face first, right? Look at my Ronaldo hairstyle, the personality,
Ronaldo jersey… Look at the jersey. -Whose is it?
-Ronaldo, bro. Who is it? -Cristiano…
-Ronaldo! Raja Ji, it’s Ronaldo! -Shall I tell you something?
-Hmm. Sometimes I feel like
I’m the real Ronaldo. Now Raja Ji, as far as football goes,
I googled it all. Now I know everything about football. Everything now I know about football. Which means you’re going to impress a girl
not with flowers but with football, right? Yes, of course. But tell me something… What will you do if the girl doesn’t pass
your bill like the president? -I’ll tell you something, Raja Ji?
-Hmm. Black magic done in Bengal
and Ronaldo’s free kick, never fail. -Wanna check it out?
-Yeah, show me. Come let’s see. Hey, Portugal? -Uh no, France.
-Me too. Drinks? Sure. Ok! Waiter! 2 drinks!
Nice game, it’s interesting… Hi! Penalties, dribbling, off-side… Off-kick, on-kick, that thing…net. Hand of God… Hand of Thanos… Um civilisation, modernisation…and…
Excuse me? Leaving? Hello? Hello!
Come back! What happened? The
girl left with the drinks. You missed your penalty, eh? She was illiterate, sir.
She didn’t understand a word I said. I told her so much about football, but
she acted like she didn’t hear a thing. Looks like she was a cricket fan. Try to dress up like Kohli
and come tomorrow. And this T-shirt you’re wearing,
of Portugal, you do know they’re out
of the world cup, don’t you? I don’t care a damn, Raja Ji. After a girl scored goal against him,
the poor man’s Ronaldo got busy with scoring a goal
with another girl. At another table, Ronaldo’s fan
got miffed with a Messi fan. Baby, for the last time- just ’cause Argentina
is out of the world cup doesn’t prove that Messi is a bad player. Messi is the best player ever!
He’s the BEST player ever! Don’t ‘baby’ me if you don’t like Ronaldo! Ronaldo is everything!
Ronaldo is God! -Ronald is just everything!
-What does Ronaldo do? He keeps faking injuries. He can’t do a thing! He can’t even score
a goal unless he gets a penalty shot. Atleast he scores a goal that way!
Messi can’t even do that! He had one penalty against Iceland,
but he missed that also! Where as Ronaldo scored a hat trick
against Spain. A HAT TRICK! I understand what a hat trick is, Messi
has 3 kids, even he scored a hat trick! Ronaldo has 4 kids! 4! No one knows who the mother
of one child is. -No one knows.
-Listen don’t get personal! Okay? Let’s talk about the facts! He won 5 awards at the Ballon D’or!
What about Messi? Tell me! Even Messi won 5 awards
at the Ballon D’or! You guys… You guys tell me what
do y’all think about Chhetri? Chhetri? He’s good. -He’s emotional…
-He has good scope on YouTube. -I’ll watch Chhetri’s vines.
-Correct. You mean he should make videos
and not play football? -No…
-No, we didn’t mean it that way. Are you saying you’ll play instead of him?
With this plastic ball? -No… I didn’t say that either.
-What are you guys saying then? I’ll tell you what I’m saying, sir.
I’m saying, Messi is the best player ever! BEST PLAYER EVER! How is Messi the best player ever? Ronaldo! Ronaldo!
Sir, Ronaldo… Jersey… Messi is the deal. I don’t know how he
does it, but he does! -What does he do…?
-These guys are at it again. Let me tell you, a Jabra fan and
Jackie Chan, will always keep fighting. But what will bring me happiness is
when Messi and Ronaldo’s fans fight not about Messi and Ronaldo’s abilities,
but about Ronaldo and Chhetri’s greatness While I was reporting and my thirst grew, even I got myself a cheap drink
at this expensive sports bar. Is it chilled?
Water… Raja Ji! How are you?
Recognise me? No. You’d come to our place last month
for a house party… A lot of youngsters invite me
for their house party. They are fond of me. Which team have you come
to support? I’ve not come, I’m going…
To Russia. I’ll watch the world cup
final there itself. Are you cheating a bank
and running away? ‘Cause you won’t get enough money
selling the bottles from the house party. It can from the cap of the bottle, right? You see, last weekend I had a house party
and I opened the beer bottle with my mouth which left the tooth in my hand
and the cap in my mouth. When I took it out, do you know what
was on the underside? Ask me! -What?
-An air ticket to Russia. I’m heading to Russia now where
I’ll enjoy watching the football match. You’re going to go there,
but where will you stay, eh? Is your uncle a minister over there?
– No, not yet. But Trivago gave me the solution to that. Look at this. Even y’all have a look.
Here you go. You can compare lakhs of hotels from thousands
of websites around the world on Trivago. After comparing prices. I booked
the best hotel at the best price. I’ll go there
and watch the match. So you’re drinking scotch
with the money you saved? Yes. Why are you drinking water? There’s
enough money.Hey give him a scotch! -No, no…
-Listen, give him 3… My eyes then focused on a football fan Who had his eyes on the screen The way that party’s national
president has his eyes on the MPs and MLAs
of the opposition party. But I soon suspected
his intentions of being a fan when I saw his eyes less
on the football and more on the Russian babes
that were screaming from the audience. No, no, Raja Ji. I’m not a pervert.
I’m not checking out cheerleaders. I’m looking for my father. You’re saying it like your father is
really sitting between Russian babes. It’s possible. He might just be there. I was kidding, man.
Don’t you get satire? No, no. Really, Raja Ji. My dying mother told me what a big
football fan my father was. He was from Russia as well. So for the past 13 years, I’ve been waiting for the world cup
to happen in Russia. See, it’s simple. I can’t afford
a trip to Russia. Hence I though I’d look for him on this
big screen. He might just be sitting
in the audience somewhere. What will you do if
you find your dad? Will you avenge your
mom like Amitabh Bachchan? No, Raja Ji.
I’ve not thought so far. You must’ve atleast
thought about how you’d recognise him? In 13 years even your father would’ve
matured like a mutual fund. Oh no, I’ve got my father’s picture here
for that purpose. I’ll know him as soon as I see him. -This one?
-Yes. -Is this your father?
-Yes. -For real?
-Of course! Is it a newspaper cutting? It’s original, bro.
I found it in mother’s diary. Along with a love letter. Son… This is Putin! The Russian President.
He’s the father of the world. -What? The Russian President?
-Yes Mister, the Russian President he is. My father’s the president of Russia? Yes, even I can’t believe it. I’m the one who can’t believe it, Raja Ji! Rahul, Akhilesh and Tejasvi
are having fun here! They’ve become the poster boys
for politics! And me…! The Russian president’s real son
is sitting here and voting for them! I’ve always wondered why my mother
nicknamed me ‘Puttan’. Puttan Putin!
Matched, didn’t it? That’s it, Raja Ji.
I’m going to Russia! -I’ll go watch the match there only.
-Listen, come here. Come here. -You just said you couldn’t afford it.
-Let go off my hand. Let go off my hand!
My father’s the Russian president! The ticket’s the problem, right? I’ll get
to Russia and my dad will reimburse it. I’m going to Russia. -I’ll watch the FIFA World cup there!
-Listen, take back your daddy’s picture Did you see that? This is why they call the FIFA world cup the ‘Mahakumbh’
(Big fair) of the football world. Because long lost people
are reunited here. Even our nation’s progress
is probably lost somewhere, which was not found in
Allahabad’s Kumbh. But it may just be found
in this big football fair. The government should try searching for it The government?
What will the government do? System, Rabish Ji.
System! The government can’t do a thing! We had hope with one man.
One man! He ruined everything! Who is this man? Who else could it be, Rabish Ji? Dhoni’s coach! So according to you, India can’t
qualify for the FIFA world cup because of Dhoni’s coach? Of course, Rabish Ji! Dhoni was playing football really well, his coach forcefully put him in cricket! He even refused saying he didn’t want to
play with a small balls but with the big one But that coach…! What’s the guy who was supposed to jump
and stop Messi’s goals doing now? He’s jumping to stop
Umesh Yadav’s wide balls If Dhoni didn’t play cricket,
how’d we win the cricket world cup again? ‘Cause before that, we’d just reach
the finals and lose. It became a habit. We atleast got to the finals there,
Rabish Ji. But in football…
There’s not a trace of us there! Look, cricket had Tendulkar, Ganguly
or Kohli, we would’ve won someday. But we’ve lost a chance at the world cup
of the best game in this world – Football. Wasn’t Mahi born to win? He would’ve won at football
like he won at cricket. There’s no point crying over a lost Mahi What hope do you have left then, sir? I just have one hope
now, Rabish Ji. His wife, Sakshi! Give this country a junior Dhoni! That little Dhoni will be the captain cool
of our Indian football team and will win the FIFA world cup for us. India! India! India! -Do it, Rabish Ji!
-Okay, okay… -You’re quite filmy, aren’t you?
-Yes, a little, Rabish Ji. So according to him, the son of
Mahendra Singh Dhoni Bahubali, Amarendra Singh Dhoni Bahubali,
will climb up a waterfall and will save the Mahishmati of football. Tell me something, sir.
Why wait for so long? Even Dhoni’s daughter can do this, right? No, Rabish Ji.
Only a boy can fulfil this dream of mine. Is that so? I think he’s only watched ‘Dangal’
(Bollywood movie) till the intermission. If he’d watched the entire movie,
he would’ve understood… Anyway, after talking to him
we realise that people are biased between football
and cricket like they are with girls and boys
in this country of ours. Like Aamir Khan Phogat,
we must also learn that our football is also
no less than cricket I request the youth to support football so that great players like Chhetri don’t
have to settle for making videos. I request those who play cricket
on the streets to also play football on the streets. You can break a window
even with a big ball, right? If you don’t believe what I’m saying, I’ve written down some lines of
Vivekananda, I’ll read it out. I wrote it down ’cause
they were in English. ‘You will be nearer to heaven’ ‘through football’ ‘Than through the study of Gita.’ So keep playing football,
keep watching and let us know in your comments who
will win the World Cup this time. Thank you!

100 thoughts on “TSP’s Rabish Ki Report E07 | Football ka Fever

  1. What hotel should Raja Rabish Kumar stay in when he goes on his next holiday?
    Yaha click kijiye, hotel dhoondiye aur Raja ko bataein!

  2. Football ⚽ tohh bachhe ka hai ?? by the way hum tohh isse achha se khelte hai q ki i m from Kolkata ! Namaskar ??

  3. Der is a very minor but very important thing i noticed.. Dt rabish ki report me sach me kafi sari info b milti hai.. Like i didn't knew tht sunil chetri is one of the best footballer in d world who belongs frm india ❤ and also about russian president etc etc.. So hts off to this channel?

  4. Sahi bole ho yaar … Sunil Chhetri ka followers dekho and Virat kohli ka followers dekho kitna difference hai ..halaki donohi India ki captain hai ☹️ really sad ??

  5. india ka world cup dhoni ke baap yuvraj singh ne jitaya tha yuvi har match mei man of the series raha maa ke lode yuvi jhaat dhoni kinmaa bhosda sale ne yuvi aur raydu ko bahar nikala loda madrchod gandumal randi ka bach dhoni maa ka loda

  6. Messi is shit. And ronaldo scored a hattrick because of de gea's mistake. And maradona and pele toh chutiye the na.

  7. साला यह मोटा सिस्टम सिस्टम करता रहता है हर वीडियो में???????

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