Tosh.0 – Web Redemption – Football-to-the-Face Girl

– Auburn looking for its firsthome conference win
since 2014.
[whistle shrills] – I got it! I got it!
I got it! – Whoa! – Could be worse. She could have been at Baylor. That’s Ashley,
and if we go to the replay, we will see
that she did not have it. This is what happens when you’re on the sideline
at the Auburn-LSU game and you think
you can shag kickoffs from a Lou Groza Award finalist. College football gives people who couldn’t get
into a decent school something to be proud of. Game days are a rich tradition of tailgating
with other alcoholics and screaming obscenities
at 19-year-olds. The coaches make millions, the schools make billions, and the players earn meaningless
communications degrees. Some equate it to slavery, which explains why the South
loves it so much. In those parts,
the only thing a father and son enjoy throwing around
more than a football is the N word. 99% of all college players
won’t make it to the NFL, which means there’s
a medical reason why all the employees
at a certain rental car chain are suicidal. But there’s no denying
Ashley’s a gal who can take a hit to the face, so you know the NFL
came a-callin’. That’s why I put her on the first turnip truck
out of Auburn, accompanied her to the draft, and happily took
my 60% commission for this week’s
Web Redemption.– The 2017 NFL Draft,brought to you by concussions.Concussions:
You’re Probably Fine.
– Good luck today, Andre. You should be so proud
your son’s slow. Ashley! Hey! Superagent Daniel Rosenhaus. How are you? Nice suit. Does Ellen know
you borrowed it? – Everybody at the draft
wears this. – Oh. – Not my commissioner! – Boo!– With the first pick
in the 2017 draft,
the Cleveland Browns select,
from Oklahoma University,
Joe Mixon.– I’m gonna key your car! – Boo! You’re no Tagliabue! Ashley.
– Hello. – How are you?
– I’m good. How are you? – You look great.
– Thank you. – Did you bust open your nose? – I did not.
No injuries. – Didn’t even bleed?
– Nope. – You can take a hit.– [laughs] I can.– All right,
where are you from? – I’m from Chicago originally, right outside of Chicago. – What would possess
a girl from Chicago to go to school in Alabama? – It’s a family school,
so it goes way back on my mom’s side
of the family. – What do you do in Auburn? – Go mudding. – You go mudding?
– Yeah. – Is that just in a truck?
– In a truck, yeah. – Put it in four-wheel drive
and just go through the mud? – Yeah, that’s about
all there is to do. – That’s fun, though? – Yeah. It can be. – Tell me about what happened
that day. – Well, I made a bet
with the managers on the football team that I would be able
to catch the ball. – Oh, this wasn’t just, like,
a random–oh.– The kicker for Auburnkicks it to the same spot
every single time.
– Got you.– So I sat there
and waited for it.
I got it! I got it!
– Whoa! – When it hit your face,
what did you feel? – Nothing.
It was a blur. I fell back, and I was like,
“Oh, my gosh.” – I mean,
do you hate the fact that if you Google
“girls balls to face” that you’re one
of the first results? – I don’t think I’ve ever
Googled it, so… [cell phone rings]
– Mm! Hello! [whispering] Jets. [laughs] Absolutely not! My client’s not going to a team that drafted Mark Sanchez
fifth overall. Ugh! Other than going to Auburn, what other bad decisions
have you made? – Coming on this show. – Ah! Are you proud of the fact
that you were the only highlight
from Auburn football in 2016? – [laughs] – You ever dated
a football player? – I actually am dating
a football player. He played at Auburn. – What about the concussions? Do you worry about that at all? – I’ve thought about it, but football is a hard sport. I mean…
– I enjoy watching it so much. Never had a desire
to play a single down. – Probably for the best.
– Right? – Yeah.
– I’m pretty frail. – Yeah.
– Oh, but agile. – [laughs] – You know, my mom,
to this day– I don’t know how old she is. God, she’s old. But she still thinks
she could be a running back in the NFL. She’s like, “Oh, no,
I just have an ability “to juke and get out
of the way. I don’t think people
could catch me.” And I always find that
fascinating, that this old woman still thinks
she could be in the NFL. [cell phone rings]
Ooh. Hello! [laughing] Rex Ryan. You’re not even
in football anymore. Enjoy trying to sell
your town house in Buffalo. Do you think there’ll ever be
a female in the NFL? – With the way that we’re going
in society, probably. – Oh, think it’s society that’s
keeping women out of football? You don’t think
it’s their skill set? – Okay, I feel like there
would be a good kicker. – I mean, they’ve tried,
and they always choke. That girl up in Detroit?
Oh!Finally they got her
the audition.
She couldn’t kick from 30.Ah, embarrassing. [cell phone rings]
Ooh. Been waiting for this one. [bleep] you, Belichick. Why don’t you go write
another love letter to Trump? Did they do standard
concussion protocol on you? – Yeah, they had one
of the team’s doctors come over and check me out. – From Auburn?
– Yeah. – Okay, so did they either
rub tobacco on you or just pray over you? – I would say both.
– I just assume that’s what’s going on
down in Alabama. – Bible Belt. – Is prayer mandatory
in your school? – It is not, but I would say
95% of people probably do. – Uh-huh. There’s nothing
wrong with praying. I mean, it doesn’t work,
but, man, nothing like making sure your food
gets a little colder. I’m not a fan of the families
that do the hand-holding prayer. – My family does
hand-holding prayer. – It’s uncomfortable.
– Brings you closer, though. – I hear you,
but then I have to talk about how soft
my hands are. – Yeah, see,
my hands get sweaty. – You got the sweaty palms? I had a buddy in college
that had sweaty palms. – Yeah, it’s embarrassing. – Really? You can take medication
for it. – I’ve done everything.
I did electroshock water. – Do guys comment
when they hold your hands for the first time? – No, what–
I mean, who would say something to you
about that? – I would, because it’d be
a deal breaker if we didn’t discuss it. – What?
– It’s gross. – I can’t help it.
– I know. People can’t help
a lot of things that you’re not
attracted to. We’d have to talk about it. – Okay, that’s fair.
– We’d have to be comfortable. – That’s fair.
– Can I feel your hands? Oh, yeah. That is moist. I’ve had a long feud
with Nick Saban. Now, as an Auburn alum, do you have a message for him? – War Eagle. – “War Eagle.”
Is that fun to yell? – It is. – Were you at Auburn when those inbred [bleep]s
over at Alabama poisoned your tree? – I was.
– How did that make you feel? – I mean, ‘Bama sucks. Bammers are Bammers. – Was that worse
than a school shooting, do you think,
the tree b–no? – Ew! [laughs] – I think you answered it. [cell phone rings]
Oh! Stop calling me, Rams. Nobody wants to play
for your team, let alone go to your games. That goes double
for that JV Chargers team. – NFL Draft insider
Mel Kiper Jr. Jr. joining us this morning. – Ashley’s got
a highly resilient face. She’s definitely got
what it takesto be very popular
in the locker rooms.
[dramatic music]♪ ♪She just set a record
for the most-watched
slow-motion 40-yard dash ever.She’s also the first athlete
to ever ace the Wonderlic.
Dropped passes never stopped
Ted Ginn Jr. from getting paid.
That’s the worst
upper body strength
since Chad Pennington.– One.– There is a video of hergetting into a fight
with a female reporter.
That shouldn’t affect
her draft stock.
The NFL has a history
of looking the other way.
And she is a girl too.I’ll be honest with you.She’s never made it
to my little big board.
I find her undraftable
but bangable.
My apologies. I’ve been up
for four straight days. My wife left me,
and I’m not in a good place. – You lack all the intangibles
and tangibles, but lucky for you, the draft
loves a viral sensation. Just look at Michael Sam.– With the last pick
in the 2017 NFL Draft,
Miami Dolphins select,
from Auburn University,
Ashley.– Wasted pick! This is Jake Long
all over again! Argh![dramatic piano music]♪ ♪[applause] [cheers and applause] Good news, Dolphin fans. The Browns traded their next four
first-round picks for her.

100 thoughts on “Tosh.0 – Web Redemption – Football-to-the-Face Girl

  1. The reason girls aren't good at sports is because their bones are like glass. They're all like Sam Jackson in Unbreakable

  2. Im a native texan and I used to live in Tuscaloosa, Al when that tree posioning crap happened. The inbreds in Al take their football seriously. Ive met ppl who would sell their first born so Al can win the championship.

  3. Daniel would make a great late night host, but the big networks would never go for it. He likely wouldnt go along with pushing their political agenda, and telling lame jokes like the other late night hosts.

  4. Watching it in slow motion at the 14 thru 16 second mark is just the best
    That shit flies so fast right between her hands as her face makes the football go from 200 mph to zero in one hilarious second

  5. I love how people claim they are from chicago when they live 300 miles away

    I'm from Chicago
    Right out side of Chicago

    That be like me claiming NY
    When I'm from Mass

  6. It’s crazy how adrenaline makes it to where you don’t feel shit when you get hit by something or punched. Well that’s it for me at least. Some people can take a hit some can’t.

  7. Her 40 where Daniel starts the stop watch, watches her leave, passes her a few seconds later at the halfway point then clocks her at the finish line ????

  8. Tosh, your Florida Gators still fucking suck! And what’s your Saban inferiority complex all about? Are you constantly crying because he left Miami, or is it that Florida still lives with the fact that they could have gotten Spurrier back years ago? You guys fucked that deal up royally. I’m sure your school will be looking for more of “Saban’s ex-coordinator sloppy seconds” in another couple of years. Maybe you could give Jim McElwain a call….wait, never mind. Roll Tide, fucker!?

  9. I'm in Alabama and I went to Auburn and she is right there is nothing in the state except mud unless you live at the beach which I do.

  10. As an Alabama fan that dumb fuck that poisoned that tree was disgraceful. Give each other hell but that was just trash

  11. “Nothing like making sure your food gets a little colder” ???
    Best burn, I’ve ever heard, for praying before meals.

  12. I love that tosh shows that the people in the video are actually fine people and we are the idiots for having all these questions.

  13. I love how women think their equal to man just stick I love how women think they are equal to men just stick with trading sex for money bitches

  14. @tosh.0 you’re right Daniel , I have tried praying ?? countless time for your sarcastic/charismatic ass wouldn’t get more handsome over all these years but to avail…. FUCK PRAYING

  15. Is there one fuckin show on Comedy Central that doesn't constantly shower you with their political agenda?

  16. I hate watching any sports, their boring as fuck especially womens sports, but if womens football ever becomes a thing I'll watch it, not for there skills at making throws or anything special like that, but for a good laugh when I am bored as hell and watching women who can't kick or throw far will also have a higher concussion and body injurie count. Ah good times.

  17. I keep replaying the part where he’s timing her 40 yard dash and he out runs her even though she had such a giant gap. Lmao.

  18. The lesson here is you don't have to go to the school your mommy or daddy went to.
    Pick one for yourself. Better yet, skip school altogether and use your talents you were born with.
    Unless you LIKE being institutionalized…

  19. What do you do at Auburn? I could hear her thoughts say "drugs, no, don't say that" "drinking, nope" "sex parties, nope" ….. "mudding??" Hahah

  20. There's nothing wrong with praying, I mean, it doesn't work.. nothing like making sure your food gets a little bit colder.

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