Mark: Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier, and welcome to Golf With Friends*FART*, with Ethan and wade You asshole! *Ethan-Wade laugh* Farting in my intro, ha ha ha, ah fuck it. *Mark and Ethan laugh* Wade: Bob’s not here, so someone had to do it. Ethan: Clap Wade: So… *is cut off*
Mark: What? Oh, clap in three two one! *clap* *non-synchronized claps*anish was here E: Wait, do that again? W: That was terrible!
M: Nope, can’t. Nooope. E: That was so bad, do it again! E: (through giggles) Okay M: *laughs*
W: That’s it, that’s all you get. M: Haaaa E: Should I do an intro?
M: I don’t know, do you feel like doing an intro? W: You just went, why did you shoot if you were going to do an intro?? E: I don’t know, because we’re already in it.
M: I don’t know. M: Shit. W: Oh why is my ball white? That’s boring.
E: Fuck it, no intro. W: Also, um, Ethan, just so you know, there’s a POWERBAR. M: Yeah, I, there’s a power bar.
E: No, I know that. E: I realize. M: You knew that!?
E: I got it in, I got it in in TWO, Wade! W: That’s good, that’s very good. M: Yeah, I mean – It’s-
E: I know how to play this game, what do you think I’m a fucking amateur? M: You guys are making FUN OF ME!
W: Well, I can’t ever assume anymore. M: This is BULLSHIT! M: I didn’t even get to- E: How does it feel?!
M: -I didn’t even get to post that video! It’s fucking stupid! M: You guys are assholes! W: It’s okay, I posted it for the both of us. M: Oh, thanks, yeah. E: *chuckles* E: Ready? Uh-Whoo! M: Whee! Hole in one. W: Ohwoo. E: Hooole in one. W: I’m finished with this. M: HOW DOES IT FEEL WADE?!? TO SUCK?!? E: Yeah Wade, how does it feel? M: DONGER. W: Well, it’s been awhile. M: Yeah it’s been awhile.
E: Ha, it’s been awhile. M: I’ve moved on from this Let’s Play.
W: To be fair I never get to play classic anymore, W: I’ve always got stupid cubes and cylinders to work with. M: Yeah, it’s supposed to be a relaxing, fun experience. WITH friends. E: Mhm. M: Like that’s the whole idea, right? W: Woohoo! M: Yay, Par! Wade: Oh. Mark: I did it, guys. M: Oh, Ethan.
E: I’m suckin’ dick on this one. M: Yeah, you are, I see that, very much so. E: Yeah.
W: It’s okay. E: Oooo! E: Ahahahahahahaha. M: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Mark and Wade: ooo! M: Ahhh W: How does it feel Ethan and Mark…ohhh * Giggles * M: Feels Feels pretty good man I mean I don’t know why you need to be so antagonistic about everything.. I mean E: I’d like it if i got more support from you Wade because it feels like you’re really trying to drag me down M: I mean he gets that enough from me W: ohh..uh excellent shot there *Marks giggles* E: Thank you. E: Oh no, there’s a..(giggles) There’s a gap there. M: Yep, it is a..
W: Mind the gap M: Oh!!
W: (yelling) Oo-ho-ho! Shit! Hole in one baby! Hole in fucking one! E: Gonna go.. And go again! Ethan: Ahhh M: Eat a chode. hahahaha hahaha E: God damn it! M: *deep laughter* W: I- Ethan, I fully respect, you will be able to do it this time E: You gotta use just enough power E: Up! I’m on the platform so thats good. W: You almost screwed it up. HU HU HUH E: HO! there. we. go. M: Man, Wade just go back to insulting ’cause this is just weird W: *whispers* no M: Be a NORMAL Wade~ GEEZ E: yeah. E: Yeah, “normal” Wade E: Why you tryna change yourself for us? W: Uh, Does not compute M: *in sarcastic tone* You’ve changed, Wade. *laughs* E: Change M: You’ve changed *laugh* W: Well money and power W: will do that to you M: Hahahahah. W: and I dont have either. W: You gotta be kidding me. M: That’s not good, that’s not good. Hehehehe. M: Seems like the only one who is doing well is ME.
E: Excuse me W: I know, I’m almost back to last place. M: Amazing! E: Oh wait no, I’m in- I’m in last. I was like “I’m doing well.” No.. I am in last. M: Oh shit, fuck. Oh no. God damn it. W: Guys, I got there in 2 strokes. E: I got there in a few! M: Yeah, shut your f- NO! *Wade and Ethan laugh* E: Ahhhh! How’s it feel to suck, Mar– M: Hey! I’m- oh, I’m- god damn it, I lost the lead and I’m…
W: *talking over him* It looks like the only one who’s doing well is me. M: SHUUUT UUUP! YOU’RE MAKING FUN OF ME! E: Oh! Oh, a hole in one for me! Thank you very much! W: *high pitched* OOOO BABY!
M: Wait–WHAT?! I’m stuck on the fucking lip? *Wade and Ethan laugh*
M: I’m stuck on the fucking lip! M: What the fuck is that shit?! *Sigh* M: You dickbags got a hole in one? M: FUCK YOOOOU! E: I got a hole in one M: FUCK YOOU E: Okay Im gonna use some math here To help me out W: Three plus four equals W: SHOOT THE BALL E: Im back where I started. Whoopsies W: Whoopsie Doopsie Mark: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NOOO W: That was so close M: NOOOOOOO E: Here I go! E: Uhhhup M: You know – *Wade laughs* M: When ever I feel bad about my shots I always just look at what Ethan’s doing And I remember how – E: Yup M: much better I am E: I’m great at golf W: I got a hole in one, I was trying to give him a tip and he’s like *Mocking Ethan* Oh I know how to play! *Mark laughs* *Ethan and Wade at the same time* E: I know – I know what I’m doing!
W: I’m already a professional! *Ethan laughs* M: Just stop doing it so hard! *M giggles* M: Just softly…
E: Well if I do it too little – E: There we go
W: There you go
M: Just caress it E: Hey, guys!
W: No pressure, but you’ve only got three shots M: Hey, guys! M: Crazy boys, here! E: Crazy boys! M: What is up my Crazy Boys! E: What is up my Crazy Boys! W: I’m LordCrazy777 M: Hey- Doishkee! Oh, shit. E: Boo! M: Fuck. E: Hup! Ooooh! W: Isn’t that full power? E: No! Goddamn it. M: No not full power.
E: I keep hitting the wrong- M: Haiiii tadoshki! M: *gasps* Yeeessss! M: NOOOOOOOO! E: Haha!
W: It is full power! M: Is it full power?
E: ah ha ha! W: It’s full power on the third, uhh-
M: Ohhh! M: On the third one, oH! E: Huuuh-
M: fuuuuuck- M: WOOOOOAAAH! HEY! M: Oh, fucking- goddamn it. E: Woohoo! *words*
M: I am in the EXACT same spot as you were W: I know! I told you
M: *giggles* W: You gotta hit full power on the third target, what did you expect? *laughs* M: I don’t know, fuck
E: heheheheh E: Haha! Double bogey! M: heAAAAA M: huAA M: huAAAAAH M: woOOAH! M: oh oH OH OH OH OH OH
W: oh oH Oh, man, nice W: Very nice.
M:*loudly* OH M: *even louder* OH
W: I thought that the last second W: it was going to knock you out of the way.
E: Did you get a hole in one? M: I GOT A HOLE IN O-O-ONE W: Oh, did you? Very nice! M: Yes, I- hahaHaHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA M: How did that work physically? That’s physically impossible E: There we go M: Ya did it W: You had to like… I don’t know. I don’t know how he did it M: hole in ONE! M: If i can just hold on to this lead W: OH, this hole is rough M: IS IT THOUGH? E: Oh yeah M: Oh yeah it is W: It was the last time i did it W: They chan- E: Nope okay whoops he he he M: HOY *yelling! WHAT??!?!? NO GOD THE BLADE E: There we go M: The blaaaade E: OH NOOOOOO M: The BLAAAAADE W: The blade hit me too I bounced back so hard it took me here anyway E: NO DAMMIT Wait where are the logs going? E: Okay I’vE GAHHH Okay the logs are taking me with them E: Okie doke W: *says no repeatedly very rapidly* E: alright i’ve got a clear shot. Mark: NO AHH WADE LOGS NO E: YES HAHA ooooo ooo that was close M: HAHAHOHO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO E: I got some good shit on that hole M: *makes hopeful noise* Oh FUCK W: EASY E: oh wow E: Mark you’re terrible at this game W: AHHHH ONE POINT AT THE END M: AHHH NO M: NOOOO W: And then there’s… Ethan right there E: I’m closer M: I-It’s cause you got the advantage from the saw we both got hit by it why did you get out of it alive? W: *laughs* W: Because I was a second late M: FUCK YOU E: I did pretty good on that one M: Yeah Ethan- W: That saw blade was AWESOME M: -It was expected that you were gonna be terrible, but I can’t believe myself E: WHY WAS IT EXPECTED E: THAT I was gonna be terrible? M: IT WAS EXPECTED M: I don’t know… E: WHY M: I just always expect that out of ya E: *laughs* W: What do you guys wanna see next? E: expect that I’m gonna be at M: I don’t know E: horrible at everything that I do M: Wait what’s haunted? Yeah I haven’t seen haunted E: Yeah do haunted M: EEWWWWW that goat sneezed and or jizzed M: *laughs* W: Both simultaneously we call it the “snizz” E: That goat is covered in semen M: *laughs more* E: GHOST SEMEN M: *laughs even more, but also louder* M: My game is crashing apparently M: Oh there we go we’re good E: OH M: OH FUCK E: It’s all glowy W: Welcome to the haunted mansion M: Oh my gohahahod E: oh I’m an egg E: OOHHH BOY OH BOY M: Is low gravity ON? W: A little bit, but not high enough to account for that E: Yeep M: Haaiiya o jumpin’ M: Oh oh oh fuck E: Are we all the same shape or are we different? W: No W: It’s random each M: Okay E: Oh good M: Don’t fuck up E: OH NO Mark: Ah no! I’m right there! Fuck me! E: How am I E: being launched in the air so much? M: I’m right… look, I’m right there guys M: I’m right… awwww… fuck. E: Aw! Jesus… M: Oh no… W: NO M: come on, just get in the god damn hole… Come on…! Yes! E: It looks like we’re all eggs. M: Fuck yea! How did I get a bogey? I did that in like, 2 shots! E: Ehhh, ehhh, ehhh-ahh W: Double bogey M: How’d I get a bogey? E: Okay, okay, yes, yes, yes, ready W: I don’t know. E: There-there we go. M: Nice. W: You apparently shot three times. E: Seven. *laughs* M: I don’t know. That was a bunch of crap. E: How’d you only shoot three times?! M: Oh no. W: Oh God. M: Oh no. W: Who’s the cube? Okay, it’s Ethan. E: I’m the cube. M: Wait, oh I’m- W: Mark’s a baby cube! M: I’m a tiny cube! E: You’re a Tiny Box Tim M: I’m the baby, gotta love me-woaa woaah woah woah M: Bouncy bouncy bouncy boUNCY NO NO OH W: No no NO NUUU M: *mocking Wade* NUUU E: *mocking Wade* NUUU W: *high pitched* STOP BOUNCING I’M JUST TRYING TO SHOOT M: AAAHH fuck E: With the cube you can slide a little bit. It’s kinda nice. W: Ah-ha! No, NOO E: Fucking god damn it. E: There. M: NOOOO W: Oh I hate cylinders M & E: *laughing* W: Ugh M: Hiiiya. Nuuhahahaoo E: You can not make it up that hill. E: I believe in- M: Hah ah ah uh ah E: There you go! You were close, you were close, you were real close. W: No No NO NO NO NO NO NOOO M: Wade, what’s goin’ on? E: WHERE? WHAT? M: Shh. E: DID YOU JUST GO through the wall? M: NO W: Oh come on! M: *high pitched excitement* YES YES E: There you go! M: Oh fuck. Ha Wade. W: Don’t do it! DON’T DO IT M & E: *laughing at Wade* M: Wade *still laughing* Eat a dick W: NOOAHHAO M: Oh man! W: OH-OH NO M: Oh no. W: GET BACK IN THERE E: Where are you going!? M: *laughing* E: Why are you jumping so much?! W: I’M GOING TO THE HOLE M: He’s desperate. It’s is last stroke. M & E: *laughing* W: NO! Well E: You didn’t make it. W: I noticed, thank you M: Oh you suck E: Hey, I’m not losing right now. It’s good. M: Well, I mean, you’re losing to me. E: What? W: What is that!? M: What IS that? E: I’m a-I’m a- I think I’m a Christmas tree ornament. M: Oh, you are. Oh no, you’ve got a nub on you. W: Get off of him. E: Oh no, that’s not me. W: Am I the ornament? M: Oh no, I’M the Christmas tree ornament. M: Weeeeee. Weeee we we ahaha hi guys. E: I’m a-I’m a uh W: *With disappointment* I’m a cube?! WELL. M: Ok E: Eh W: OH AHAAHAH OH M: Ooh AAHH E: There we go! Woo! M: WHAT THE FUCKING FU-DID YOU HIT ME?! E: Ha haha W: Yeah.. E: You can’t hit each other can you? W: Oh you can! M: You fucking hit me, you bitch! Did you fucking HIT ME? M: FUCK YOU! Where is the uh E: Oh what the- M: Where-where is the…? E: Yeah, you gotta go far on this one. M: Oh no. E: Oh no, I went to the side. M: What do I-what the fuck? E: You- fuck. God M: How do I… W: Why can’t we touch the ground?
E: Don’t hop over don’t hop over don’t hop over don’t hop over M: AAHHH THE WRONG WAY E: There we go M: NOOOO M: Fuck W: STOOOP E: There we go! E: I’m doin’ pretty good. M: Okay, alright, okay *high pitched* NOOOO M: *singing* Thhaaat is NOT RIGHT W: Bounce W: BOUNCE SOMEWHERE
M: *Still singing* OOooh it’s a BAD NIGHT. oh fuck W: YOU’RE AN ODDLY SHAPED THING BOUNCE E: There we go-OH GOD DAMN IT I fucking keep bouncing over walls. There we go M: HO yes-NOOO W: WOOOAH E: OOh, ooh I’m close, oh I’m close M: *softly* fuck off. W: Where is the end of this level? E: OH NO GOD DAMN IT WHY DID I DO THAT? I fucking boun-ah. I bounced out M: I’m not gonna make it, guys. E: How did you do that Wade? Are you an acorn? M: Guys. W: I don’t know what I am-NOO NOO M: Wait, how do you only have four strokes?! How in the FUCK- E: Yeah, what the hell? *giggles* M: How in the tits do you only have four strokes?! E: I ran out of strokes. E: You still o-oh wait, no, nevermind. W: TEN SECONDS
E: Oh, can you get it? M: Better get in there. E: Better get in the hole. M: Better get in there. W: STOP BOUNCING E: Oh boy. Oh boy. 2, 1 M: OOhohohohooh ho ho ho, OH eat a dick! E: AHAHAHA yeah, that’s why E: Oh I’m a star? E: I’m a STAR. M: Woah woah woah woah woah woah easy up M: Easy up, easy up. W: STOP BOUNCING *lightning sounds* M: Woah, man, the lightning is intense guys. *more lightning* E: Okay M: Woah boy that’s not good. This is the opposite of good. E: There we go! I did good, I got a birdie. I did real good. M: Shut the fuck up ya asshole! E & W: *soft laughter* M: If I wanted to know what the fuck you did, I woulda asked. W: WELL M: AH E: What the fuck are ya doing? M: NOOO fuck oooff W: PLEASE? M: NOOO E: Hahaha E: I like this game. W: WHY AM I GOING STRAIGHT UP? I’M A CUBE M: NO E: This is a fun one! M: Shut up, you’ll get yours! W: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. E: Ooh E: Ooh
M: FUCK E: Hah M: Uggghhh W: OKAY WELL HERE I AM HUMPIN’ A CHAIR M: Were-were you-were you-were you just a ball? Were you a ball? E: No, I was a star. M: Oh M: Ah, fuck you anyway. E: Ah shit, you gotta… *lightning sounds* M: Ah shit guys. W: I better not be the cylinder again. M: Where do we go? W: Oh that’s a THAT’S A BAD E: Oh shit, okay. M: Where do we go? That way? W: *Slaps self in face*
E: Euh M: Fuck E: Oh no, nonono M: Woah, okay, alright, that’s not good. E: Do you gotta be… *lightning sounds* M: Ah fuck E: How did you stay on there? Ooh W: AAH E: Ooh, close. W: NOOO E: There we go, there we go. I’m doing a lot better this game. I might win this one. M: NOOOO E: Look out! M: St-Stop! W: NOOO M: Eh, eh, eh, NO NOO W: Mark! Bump me! BUMP ME M: AH AAH FUCK NOOO E: You just get- you’re just jumping M: NOOOOOO M: *screaming* NOOOO E: Wade, you’re so-you’re so close, Wade! W: I KNOW! I KNOW! E: It’s right there E: And on your last stroke! W: YES I’M AWARE M: Fuck man. E: And both of you ran out of time. OH, look who’s in the lead. M: Oh, fuck this shit. W: *sarcastically* Oh good, we’re cones. M: I’m a mini cone at least. E: Ooh, ooh, don’t M: No, I’m a Christmas ball. W: WHAT? I hit the-Are you kidding me? E: Oh no, oh no, oh no. M: What the fuck?! E: There we go. NO. God damn it, FUCK. W: It wouldn’t let me bounce over!? M: Yeah, it wouldn’t. Live with it Wade! E: FUCKING- M: Why don’t you just- E: GOD DAMN IT M: Oh, oh, now you’re feeling the pain, HUH ETHAN HUH? E: I’M FEELING THE PAIN M: YEAH! E: I KEEP- M: EEEEAAAT IT E: I CAN’T MAKE IT UP THE RAMP OR I FUCKING GO OVER IT W: OH SUCK IT PAIN FEELER M: YEAH FEEL THAT PAIN FEEL MY PAIN M: FEEL IT, RUB MY PAIN E: Uhh, ooh. rub it? M: Rub it! Rub my pain! E: I don’t want to rub your pain. M: Rub my pain! E: Do I have to? M: Rub it! I gotta big ball. Rub my pain.
E: Uh, oooh. W: You’ve got a normal ball though M: I am a big-ah fucking hell. E: Fucking *more lightning* W: DO NOT YOU-I’M STUCK IN A BOX M: NOOO WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DID I BOUNCE? I’M A FUCKING BALL E: No! WHY? FUCKING UH, W: I did the same stupid thing. E: I KEEP GOING OVER Every fucking time! M: Ohhh. E: I’m bouncing, it’s really hot in here. *softly* No, stop. M: No! M: *groaning* W: Well, here we go! Can Wade make the perfect shot? E: WHY? Don’t hit me. M: Didn’t mean to W: Nope, the answers NO. I’M A SUCK A DOODLE DO COCKTAPUS!–cocktapus? Mark and Ethan: *cracking up* W: I called myself a cocktapus M: Oh I ran out of strokes. I was the ball and I ran out of strokes. I was a normal golf ball. E: Okay, I have-I have one more. I have one shot. W: And there it goes. E: Oh fucking god damn it M: You’re a real cocktapus ain’t ya?! Huh Ethan? Stop being such a cocktapus M: Here I go. *badly singing* Here I go again, on my own. E: I’m just slowly falling down the stairs. M: What the fuck is this? M: What the fuck is this? Wha-oh my GOoOoD W: NO E: Where did you go?! M: I WENT BACK E: Why did you go backwards? M: I HIT THE FUCKING ROOF FUCK YOU E: What shape are you? M: THAT’S FUCKING WHY E: *laughing* M: FUCK OFF W: Ah E: AAHHHH W: Golf With Your Friends, map 1 versus map 2. E: I can’t make it over M: Oh my god M: I… get up, *sighs* W: Oh I’M AN EGG BOUNCE LIKE ONE M: Oh, fuck. If I could stop being a god damn cube. Do you know how many times I’ve been a cube? M: FUCK M: Just… CAN I GIVE UP? M: fuck. You CANNOT GET THE CUBE UP THE RAMP. MY CUBE STOPPED ON THE RAMP. YOU CAN NOT SHOOT A CUBE OFF A GOD DAMN RAMP W: please. No! NO NOOO W: AAHHH M: Just die, just die. E: Stop bouncing. Stop bouncing! I’m just bouncing M: Stop bouncing, please. E: STOP M&E: *laughing* M: St-stop! W: No, no, Wadey loved you, Wadey loved you egg. GET IN THE HOLE E: IT’S SO HOT IN HERE *takes off sweatshirt* IT’S A-IT’S A MILLION DEGREES M: OPEN A WINDOW YOU IDIOT. I know you have windows, open them. E: No, there’s no time. M: N-no. *dramatically* I can’t do that, Mark. You don’t understand. M: Fucking what?! E: God damn it, I didn’t. E: Ooh I might’ve hit the bouncers. M: In what world-in… E: Ok, I’m in a bad situation. Oh no, oh, uh oh no I didn’t do it. M: IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT HOW THAT WORKS IN PHYSICS? W: Uhh W: This one? M: THE EGG CANNOT GO, GUYS, THE EGG WILL NOT GO OFF THE RAMP, I’M DOING FULL POWER W: NO M: *slowly sinking* GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS E: I’m going back to the same spot. E: Go! NO, don’t go over it! M: NOO GUYS IT’S FUCKED ME IT WON’T GOoO E: WHY AM I-I ran out of strokes M: GUYS W: YESS I GOT IN THE HOLE M: GUYS IT WON’T GO E: AHH M: WADE SPECTATE ME LOOK W: I’m watching! E: I’m done. W: Full Power M: THAT WAS FULL POWER M: GUYS E: What kind of dark magic… M: IT WON’T GO W: Oh no, that’s so sad M: I HATE THIS GAME I HATE IT I HATE THIS GAME E: I think I’m a normal ball. Do we have to-there’s the goat that we’ve been searching for. E: Oh, yep I’m a normal ball. Okay, where is it? M: It’s the-it’s the spizz goat. W: Woah, STOP NOO. E: Oooh W: STOP BOUNCING E: Promising, promising, very promising. M: OH, I’m in-that was the wrong, that was not the right course. E: Okay. Stop M: Okay, alright. E: Stop stop stop!
M: No, NO NO NO W: Ethan, don’t you screw me M: Aye yai yai E: *humorless* Hahahahahaha W: I mean, thank you for the boost I guess? E: You’re welcome E: Ah, Mark- W: GET IN THE HOLE, YOU PATHETIC LITTLE LIFE FORM E: *laughing* Mark’s still at the fucking beginning. M: SHUT UP M: DO NOT SPECTATE ME RIGHT NOW This is fucking bullshit. M: *sternly* Do not spectate me W: Good job Mark M: Do not! W: Alright. M: Hole in one W: One shot. M: Hole in one, fuck yeah E: Yeah, hole in one. M: *high pitched* oOH NO IT WAS RIGHT THERE OH E: Just keep bouncing M: OH AH AH AHH NO FUCK oh E: Oh there you go W: Hey, at least our scores are close E: Yeah M: Yeah, that’s what matters. W: Oh I’m a cone?! M: Oh it’s a spizz gorilla. M: We gotta get through it’s legs? Is that we gotta do? E: God damn it I’m a fucking ornament again M: Fuck, well there’s its head. E: S-sTOp bOuncing- E: The ordaMent just continuously bounces! E: Every time I try and make a shot. W: *chimp noices* E: Keee nO don’t- go over it. E: Don’t go over it… W: *More chimp sounds* M: Eh~ E: *sighs* M: Fucking-why-Really?? M: Really??? E: Oh no W: *muttering please* M: Really- NOOOOO! M: OH YOU’VE GOT TO BE DICKING ME- M: IN THE DIIICK E: I can’t- geT oveR M: *Snaps* OOOHH YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! E: Full power! Yes yes! M: Oh nooooo W: *Coughing* M: You got to be dicking my dick! E: WHY- E: I can’t get through the fucking gorilla! M: ooHH FUCK Off! M: *Manly screams* M: *More screaming* W: Ah. M: *Still screaming* E: FuckinG- E: WHY?! E: There’s a baby’s head here! M: It’s a dolls’ head- It’s okay. W: Oh man. M: Oh my god W: Well done everybody M: I hate this. E: Did you make it Wade? W: Mak- YEah I did. E: ‘Did-did you make what?’ Is that what you were about to say? E: You were like ‘Did I make what?’ M: *Happy mark giggling* W: I thought you were asking if I made the game or the level or something- E: You know full- M: ‘You know full well!’ E: *laughing* You thought, I was asking you if you made the game?! W: You- Shut up! W: I was too busy celebrating my awesome existence! E: GoD DAMN IT! M: Fuck E: I keep hitting the shelves! W: I can’t get through the hole! E: uuGGH E: I’m the fucking hockey puck this should be easy! M: I- nO, the hockey puck- M: I was the hockey puck in the last one! It was perfectly spaced, M: To hit the LEAF! M: The LEAF-*Ignores Wade’s and Ethan’s screaming* M: The LEAF of- on the opposite of the gorilla. E: Guys- E: Pleeease- M: I’m on the book shelf. E: I-I KEEP- E: I keep hitting hitting the shelf!! E: Everytime! W: Yaaay- nO no no No- W: NOOOO! M: Okay, guys I made it to the other side. E: Yes, finally! Me too, me too, me too. M: I’m bouncing like a son-of-a bitch but I made it! E: It’s fine it’s fine- I’M OUT OF GOD DAMN STROKES E: I finally make it, and I’m out of strokes! M: OKay. M: OkaY M: OKAy M: NOPE- That was my last stroke nevermind. E: Your fine M: I’m out. M: Nope, I’m out- I’m out guys. W: Oh my goodness M: Guys I’m out. M: I’m out guys. E: Oh good, the cone my favorite- my favorite shape! W: The finest of Earths’ creatures. E: Can’t wait-oh god I’m in the perfect spot too. W: OH come on! E: Oh go- IT’s LeavinG me?! M: No thank you- OkaY M: Okay guys- E:-fUCKed, I’m fucked! E: I’m fucked! I’m at the tip- M: I’ve got some potental here M: Yes! I got a birdie! I got a birdie! E: I’m at the edge of the rim- M: I got a birdie! (3x) E: How?? M: I got a birdie- guys, M: I did it I got a birdie! W: *Raging* E: I’m on the edge of the ra- ooH K- I ‘m going up there now. E: Okay- alright, please don’t put me back. E: I can stay up here right? Yep, thank you. E: No, don’t go- ffffFFF M: aaAHahahahahAHAHAHAHAHA *Mark you okay there? W: I- CAN’T- GO- ANYWHERE! *Mark continues to laugh* E: eUGAH M: Alright, I’mma watch Wade- Wade why are you- W: More momentum!! M: Wade, how the fuck did you get so high?! W: The cauldron! M: OOOHHH W: I don’t want to go straight up- W: I wANT TO GO FOWARD! E: Oh nooo W: WELL that doesn’t flippy-dippy-dippy-do matter, I’m here! M: I got a birdie guys! Look, I got it in two strokes! E: How?! Whats shape were you? M: I was a disc. E: I’m the the fucking not ball. M: That baby isn’t too happy. E: I’m the thing that looks like a ball, E: But I’m not the ball. M: Fuuuck E: I love it. M: Yeah, the paper mache? E: Yeah, it’s fucking bullshit. M: It’s fuking bullshit guys. M: Guys its fuckin- W: Are you kidding- W: You better be joking! M: Heh, YOu better- you better be joking me! M: I-I don’t appreciate your jokes and candor. W: OH my- I want to put the babies in a blender! M: I mean, if you put the babies in the blender its not going to do you any good for- W: Don’t- wWWHYY?! E: I can bounce my way there. I can make it, E: I’ve got- E: *starts breathing faster* M: I’ve-I’ve got time, guys! I’ve got- I’ve got time. E: I’ve got time! E: GOd damnit I’m giving up, I’m giving up. E: Theres no point! M: There’s NO point. M: aAAUgh M: AAuggh I’m so close, I’ve got one stroke left! M: AAw nO, I’m pointed in the wrong direction, M: Aren’t I?? M:Ah- AUGGH OH I made it in! M: Oh I did it! I did it, oooh. W: Yaaaay E: I’m lost at sea! E: I’m a lost traveler! E: I can never make it back! W: You got fifteen seconds. M: Grab on to the babies head in a jar! M: Grab on! W: He’s just kidding- E: nnOOOOOOOO E: Go- Back- E: Yes, you can make it- hUGghh M: You can do it! I believe in you! E: Please, please! M: Stop tryin-Stop trying to ramp it off there. M: You could- you could make it if you didnt ramp. W: My goodness. E: Yeah, I could make it if I didn’t ramp. I know FULL WELL what I could’ve done. *Mark giggles.* Wade: I think Mark’s birdie is gonna be the difference in the game. M:I think so, yeah. Woaahoaho. Ethan: Where are the magi–tHIS IS A RAMP! Why’d I hit the edge and bounce BACK?? Wade: Yes! That’s very observant of you. No, but I BOUNCED off of the edge, when I tried to– Mark: Oh no. [x5]–Why am I BOUNCING?? WHY?! *’Oh no’ continues.* Are you having the same issue? Mark: Well, I am an EGG. Ethan: Why am I bouncing back?! I don’t know, man. E: THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. *goes on to miss another.* STOOOOP. Please, I’ll give you my first-born child. Mark: Oh fuck. If you let me finish this fucking course. M: Woah, what the FUCK did I do? Oh fuck–Y’know, I’ve realized something, guys. Life isn’t about being angry. Life is about ENJOYING experiences as they come. And when it–OHHHH, I’M AT THE BEGINNING?! [Wade barks ferociously.] NOOOOOOO! W: Enjoy it as it comes. E: Mark, life isn’t about being angry–! I-I fUCKING L–I FUCKING LANDED BACK IN THE BEGINNING! I WAS FUCKING GOING ANYWHERE. I was ACCEPTING my FATE. [Ethan releases a breathy laugh.] And it fucking PUT ME BACK. Wade: At least our scores are still close. M: Yeah, two more, guys, two more. We got this. E: Two more M: This is funny right? This is funny. People like this? This is funny, right? W: AH E: I HIT THE ONE FUCKING JAR IN FRONT OF ME E: I wa… ugh M: Just stop bouncing stop bouncing stop bouncing euah M: EuAuh E: I had so much potential. I had so much potential. M: Where the fuck are we going? E: You gotta ride the web M: Whaat W: WHY DO I HAVE TO BE A CONE EVERY HOLE? M: I’m not in the right place. WHERE DOES THE WEB GO? E: I don’t know. M: I don’t see where the-where’s the web go? E: Oh I got it. Oh I got it, okay W: I’m down here M: Where are you?! E: Ride the one that looks like a ramp M: I see it but where does it go? E: It goes down. You gotta hit- W: *screaming* M: OH , uh uh uh uhh M: Okay. E: I’ve got one shot. E: One opportunity E: Oh no. M: You did-you didn’t make it You didn’t make it *Fake accent getting stronger with each word* You did not make E: I didn’t make it and I was a ball
M: YEEAAAH I made it guys, I made it, guys, I made it! Guys, I’m doing great! Guys! Guys? Guys, I did it! I think I’m gonna win! Guys! I think-I think I’m gonna win! Games are fun to play with your friends! Guys! M: Aw fuck W: Oh good, I get to finish with a cylinder! Woohoohoo! M: I’m uh, I’m not any better off. E: Which way do we go? There’s two ways M: It’s a choose your own aDVENTURE. M: I can’t make it up either of these. E: I have goosebumps M: NOO! Oh good. M: Ugh I love goosebumps E: I love goosebumps, sorry, oh no. E: Where am I? M: Oh fuck me, fuck me. Okay M: Oh, the babies are back Ooh Fucking E: Oh, here we go, here we go, stop bouncing. Stop, stop stop. M: No, don’t jump, don’t jump. okay. M: Alright, I just gotta make it through this, right? AAH M: Oh uh, fuck me
E: Babies.. No I’m out of strokes! M: *Singing* I’m gonna make it, guuuys! Oh fuck me in the fucking butthole.
E: You went up a little high there. E: A little too much.
M: Oh NOOOO W: NOO CRAP
E: That was a little too much pizzaz for that hole. M: Okay, it’s all up to you Wade. Wadey poo. Wadeybaby.
E: You’ve got it. Fulfill the prophecy W: I’m here.
M: Fulfill my prophecy
W: I’m here to fill it M: Fill it, fill it baby
W: OoOH AAHH
E: Fill it! M: Fill my pro-woaaah nooo
E: Fill it, FILL IT NOO
W: No NOO M: Alright, come on, come on.
E: Wade, you’ve got two more chances. M: Fill that prophecy baby
W: I’ve got two seconds M: Fill it, fill that prophecy!
W: One second! NOO W: *screaming*
M: Aw… Mark: I WIN! I WIN! I WON E: Go fuck yourself M: I will! I will gladly do that. Yeah!