Justin – David Mitchell’s ping pong pal? Olivia Colman’s neighbour? Aston’s shocked shopper?


Please welcome this week’s
special guest, Justin. So, Aston, what is Justin to you? This is Justin, and once
I did a backflip in a supermarket and landed in his trolley. Good luck with that one, Aston. Olivia, how do you know Justin? This is Justin, he is my neighbour,
and he has had a parcel in my hall for the last seven months,
and he’s here tonight because I want him to take it home. And, finally, David, what is
your relationship with Justin? This is Justin, he tried
to recruit me to his underground ping-pong club… ..after being wowed by my skills
with the bat. So, Lee’s team, where to begin? OK, so, we know you can
do the backflip, Aston, I’ve seen that in action,
so that’s true. However, there’s a little bit
of the story I’m doubting. OK. You flipped and you landed
in his shopping trolley? Yep. So the big question
is – was that deliberate, or was it an accident
when you were shopping? An utter accident. Oh, come on! I promise you. Where was this? In… Where was we, Asda? And whereabouts in
the country was this? Peterborough. In Peterborough? My hometown, yeah, yeah,
so I was with my mum.
You’re from Peterborough? It was literally,
like, not long after myself and the boys did the X Factor,
and it was just that kind of crazy time, when it’s
a bit like, OK, everyone’s… That, like, kind of crazy time
when you think I’ll carry on shopping in Asda in Peterborough? Why would you be doing backflips
just casually in a supermarket? I mean, that’s the
bizarre bit, isn’t it? Basically, some guy
and his daughter just, “Oh, would you do it,
would you do it? “Oh, she’s a big fan”,
and I was just, like, I mean, I’m in a supermarket…
Were you on your own? No, I was with my mum. To my knowledge, there are
two parts of a backflip. The second part is doing
the backflip, the first part is having a quick look
behind you to check there isn’t a trolley or something
like that there. Exactly. But that’s not part
of the backflip, is it? You can’t say there’s
two parts of a backflip, the second part
is doing the backflip. You could say that about anything. There’s two parts
of writing a symphony – the second part is writing
a symphony, the first part is the day before
you write a symphony. Pretty hard to believe
that an experienced backflipper wouldn’t, at some point, have learnt
to just have a quick… It’s on, it’s actually on YouTube.
It’s on YouTube? You can check it, yeah.
I can check it? Yeah. Well, then, stay there. This is one of the
easiest rounds we’ve ever had. I’m just checking it now, Aston. We’ll use that for proof later,
it would slightly be not in the spirit of the game,
Lee, to… And also, it’s not going
to work on my hand, is it? That’s not going to work. You see?
Better actor than you thought, Rob. When you do a backflip, you know,
you don’t normally fly in the air afterwards and land higher up,
you just kind of land on the same plane. If you were deliberately trying
to backflip into a trolley, I’d say that could be done.
But not by accident, because… Oh, my goodness,
it could have… But then again,
he’s only a little fella, isn’t he? He’s only little,
I bet he flipped and he landed right in that little baby seat. And then off he went
and started his life with a new family! Are you claiming that
you landed on your feet? Yeah. You landed on your feet
in the trolley? And you stayed stood up? Of course. Was this man pushing it at the time? No, it was there, just behind me… Did he think you were a free gift
with the cornflakes? Did you land facing him
or facing away? I’ll tell you what,
I’ll show you, I’ll show you. No, don’t do it. I’m going to do it,
just to prove to you, right? Oh, I can’t bear this… Listen…
Aston, darling, don’t do anything dangerous. Aston, be careful.
No, because I’m going to show you, and just how high as well.
I wish I hadn’t brought it up, I’m so sorry. It’s fine.
Please don’t do it… No! Oh! Woo! Yeah, exactly, so I’d be here… Oh, oh, so you did? Right… Wow! I am sorry, I take back
everything I’ve said. However, you’re still lying. What about Olivia? OK. Oh, I’ve forgotten what she said… Olivia’s got a package
in her hallway that she’s had for seven months that he should
have collected from her, and it’s… I’m quite annoyed
by that already. When you say neighbour,
you mean actual neighbour, or communal…
Not my immediate neighbour on either side,
but he’s three down the road. OK, and, so he wasn’t in,
and the package came to you with a little… Yeah. ..card or whatever posted to him
to say where it was. Have you still got it? Yeah. Oh, well, it’s here,
in my dressing room. Why has it been seven months? I don’t know. I know
he’s a wildlife photographer, so he probably travels a lot, and… And when I’ve taken it to him,
he hasn’t been there, so I’ve left a note,
it’s still here, and then he’s missed me,
and left a note going, “I came, but it wasn’t there.”
And in the whole seven months, has he ever left a note to say,
“Sorry, tried to collect”? Oh, yes, three. What did the
note say? “Sorry.” That was it?
“Er, sorry about the package, “I did try, but you weren’t in.” The question is this,
what is in that package? I haven’t opened it,
but it’s an irritating shape, because you can’t get the
pushchair through the door hole, you have to fold down the
pushchair to get past it. What? How big is it? So it’s long and thin,
and I think it might be, I don’t know, a blind or a,
you know, curtain rail. What’s the girth? Is it like that sort of girth? There’s a lot of
packaging around it. So it can’t get through his
letterbox, you haven’t tried? Oh, no, no, so you have to,
that’s the whole point, why it’s been so irritating,
we have to ring the door bell, he’s not there. OK. And she said it’s really irritating,
and she sort of looked at him apologetically, as if to say,
“I didn’t mean to call “you here on telly to say
you’re an irritating man.” But she is a professional actress.
I know! So she could just be lying.
That’s very good, though. So you’ve brought it in tonight?
You’ve brought it in… Yeah, that’s… I thought
this would be an extreme… Yes, to be fair… Is this the only reason
you’ve come on the show? Just to give back a parcel! What about David
and the table tennis? Oh, we’re actually going
through with all that, are we? David, remind us of
your supposition. He tried to recruit me
for his underground ping-pong club, because he was impressed
by my skills with the bat. Can I just check,
when you say underground, do you mean underground,
literally, it’s under ground, or do you mean
it’s a bit, it’s a bit devious? I don’t think there was
any illegality, but it was, er, to a certain extent,
subterranean. It was in a sort of basement. In his basement? No, in the basement
of an advertising agency. Are you good at table tennis? I’m a bit good at table tennis,
not very good, but I’m better than you’d expect me to be. And how did this man
see you play table tennis? Well, I played it there,
at the basement. How do you know him? He’s a friend,
I know him in my life. He works in the media. To be absolutely clear
what you’re saying, apart from me and Rob,
you have another friend? Yes. Hmm… You said, David, in your statement,
he was wowed… Yes. ..by your table tennis. Yeah. I’ve never seen you play
table tennis, but I don’t picture you as being particularly
adept at any sport. You don’t mind me saying that? Don’t I? OK. Good to know, because I was
wondering what I was experiencing. Talk me through your serve. Well, I sort of go… Oh, no, no, no… That’s a bit bog-standard,
you don’t do… No, no, because I like to
keep my tongue in my mouth. Right, ready? OK. I played it to
your forehand, you idiot! Well, I couldn’t see,
the ball’s invisible! Because you’re not an actor
of sufficient imagination, are you? If you were a better actor, Rob,
he’d know which side that you served. Do you want me to serve to you,
David? What, don’t start playing with him! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No. It’s all right,
we can get it over! No, no, no, stop it! Give me your bat. So there you were,
playing table tennis in this underground car park…
No… ..and what you did wowed him enough
to say please join our team? Well, firstly, he’d invited
me to see the club. Yeah. So I hadn’t just turned up,
and he saw me across a crowded underground
ping-pong centre… I’m not suggesting
romance was involved. Seeing people across a crowded area
doesn’t mean there’s romance involved. Typically, the
expression, “I saw him, or her, “across a crowded room”
infers romance. It implies. Damn it! Well, we need an answer. So, Lee’s team, is Justin
Aston’s shocked shopper, Olivia’s neglectful neighbour, or is he David’s ping-pong pal? I think anyone that’s prepared
to stand there that long while all this is going on
is a wildlife photographer. Or one of the others,
and he’s been told to stand there for that long. If what you’re saying there is true,
Michaela, then we’ve had a wildlife photographer
on every single episode. Do you know what
he doesn’t look like? A man who shops at Asda. He has got Waitrose
written all over his face. Hasn’t he? I think Olivia’s story
is very believable. The apologetic look
when she described him as an irritant is either
the greatest piece of acting of my generation, or a typically
British response of, “I’ve got my neighbour on telly
and told the whole country “how annoying he is”. I’m torn, but I’ll go with
Olivia, then. You think it’s Olivia? Right, Justin, would you please
reveal your true identity? I’m Justin, and I tried
to recruit David for my underground ping-pong club. Yes, David is Justin’s
ping-pong pal. Thank you very much, Justin.

100 thoughts on “Justin – David Mitchell’s ping pong pal? Olivia Colman’s neighbour? Aston’s shocked shopper?

  1. What's funny is that before Aston did the backflip he actually looked behind him, meaning that Jon was right and David comically destroyed him for no reason… Haha Great segment👌

  2. Lee & David team up to roast Rob
    David & Rob team up to roast Lee
    Lee & Rob team up to roast David
    Lee, Rob & David team up to roast guests
    All of British comedy teams up to roast Jon

  3. One of the few times Jon Richardson is opposite David and I loved it when David did the whole thing abt the 2 parts of things.

  4. I thought and hoped it was David. What made me think it was him was how posh he looked. Well groomed and stone faced throughout the bit. I've heard on a documentary about rich people that you get taught to keep a straight face and this man reminded me of it. Add David into the mix and you have a truth.

  5. Was absolutely sure it couldn't be David because everybody knows the first rule to the ug ping pong club is never to talk about the ping pong club

  6. “Are you claiming that you landed on your feet?”

    “Yeah!”

    “And you stayed stood up?!”

    “Of course!”

    Flash-forward to 3:52

    Yeaaahh, you didn’t stay stood up. You slightly stumbled, which is what happens most of the time with a flip. Which is what you could’ve said, so it’s more believable. Take Lee’s advice.

  7. A parcel should only be delivered to neighbours next door or immediately opposite (on a narrow street)

  8. Every time they bring a person in and pretend it’s not a friend or an acquaintance, it’s not believable. Why would you stay in touch with a guy with a trolley you landed in?

  9. Logically speaking, I would think "implies" is stronger than "infers". If "seeing someone across a crowded room" implies romance, then the implication is only false if you do see someone across a crowded room and there's no romance, which is what David is trying to suggest might be possible.

  10. When Aston did a backflip at 3:47 everyone was freaking the hell out and Justin acted like he didn’t even notice 😂😂

  11. Interesting that Jon calls Olivia's lie "the greatest piece of acting of my generation", and that year she wins the BAFTA, Golden Globe, and Academy Award for Best Actress for her role in the 2018 film The Favourite.

  12. It's incredible that after having watched this about three times already i still can't remember who it was. But honestly, I get to enjoy it again, so I'm not complaining

  13. Spoiler

    nonononono I watched this when it came out and I SWEAR it was aston. I watched the whole thing thinking 'oh yeah, funny how Astons getting away with it, I remember when they showed the lip at the end' BUT WHAT THE FUCK, IT WAS THE PING PONG. I thought he was saying 'oh only joking, it was actually Aston' BUT NO. I feel so weird right now.

  14. It obvious Lee never watched the DVD extras of David Mitchell's Soap Box (whcih features Justin), what a looser : – )

  15. Lol. With hindsight, the way David seemed a bit shy through his one should have swayed me. But I was stumped through out.

  16. This could be the first video ever I don’t scroll down the comments to see what’s happening! I don’t want to know 😉

  17. No one NO ONE, expected that result. We entertained the backflip before David.
    Sidenot: I died when rob said darling

  18. I like to think i have a good memory, but i watch these over again (some months later) and rarely remember who is telling the truth. So much the better, though!

  19. Seeing this after Olivia Colman’s Oscar win makes the disbelief that she could be that good an actress even funnier.

  20. I didn't think it was Olivia because a man who doesn't have time to take a package certainly doesn't have time to come in for a TV appearance

  21. I have to say, I too was fooled. I thought it was Olivia's parcel. However, I think her performance was so convincing not just because she is a wonderful actress, but because at some in her past she really HAS had an annoying parcel blocking her hallway for months.

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