Interview For A Cricket Commentator

– Mike, thanks for coming in. – No worries. – So we’re in the market
for some new commentators you know, we want to freshen things up. – Fantastic. – Okay, let’s have a bit of a look here. White male, off to a good start. Played for Australia, perfect. Boys will lynch me if I hire another Pom. And solid experience flogging household white goods and electronics, impressive. – Love my OLED. – I’m sure you do. Can you give me an example
of a really boring story from way back in your cricketing days? – Just off the top of my head there was this one time
when touring New Zealand, I bumped into Chris Harris
at the barber and then we– – Ha, sounds like a
classic, leave it there. Next, multiple choice, you ready? Okay, it’s the dying stages of
a gripping test match, okay? Do you A, instigate a
Sydney v Melbourne debate? B, Do a viewer poll on
the best pizza toppings? Or C, flog some memorabilia
of Ricky Ponting’s arm hair? – I don’t know, B? – Nah, it’s C, unlucky. Okay, now bit of a broadcast test could you read that out for me? – It’s the show everyone’s
been talking about this summer. A contest of skill, endurance, and grueling bathroom renovation. You won’t want to miss a week of Celebrity Jungle Renovation
Rescue, Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. – Wow. I mean, we knew you were good. But that’s next-level stuff. Okay, one more question and
then we can sign the papers, here and now. – Great! – Okay, so during the
test might we ask you to talk about a meal you’ve
eaten the previous night and just go on about it
for about five overs. – What do you mean? – You just, you know,
a bit of banter about the succulent Chinese
meal that you’ve eaten sitting by the river. – To be honest, I thought
I’d be spending the day actually analyzing cricket, giving the fans what they want, a blow-by-blow experience of the game, and not wasting my time with
unrelated egotistical fluff. – Get the (bleep) outta my office.

19 thoughts on “Interview For A Cricket Commentator

  1. Ah, yes, I remember when Warney and Slats talked about gourmet pizza for 10 minutes. That was the lowest point in Australian history.

  2. It's so edgy to play 'identity politics'. Employing SJW's to write your material now Sportsbet? Anti-white, male privilege propaganda. Funny stuff.

  3. Cricket commentary was so much better when Richie, Greigy, Bill and Chappelli were on together in the 90s, early. Nowadays about the only half decent cricket commentary is on ABC Grandstand

  4. Fox sports has Shane Warne who is always talking about potato cakes and frog cakes, Howie who is absolutely useless and knows nothing about cricket, Kerry o keefe who makes the worst jokes such as “Faf Du Plessis wants to open a resteraunt with Alister Cook as the cook and AB de Villers to deliver” (yep, he actually said that). Then you have channel 7 who have the crapiest camera angles and all their commentators except for Michael Slater are shit


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *