DRUNK TABLE TENNIS


Rosie you are going to serve with your mouth, and I’m going to return it into your boobs. If this isn’t content you’d subscribe for, I don’t know what is. -Fucks sake! Now it’s gross! -I tried spitting with force, let me do it again. -Bend over Rosie! -(Laughing) Did you run away? -All right, first things first, what do you know about ping pong? -Nothing! -Have you any idea how the score system works? -Probably like tennis. It’s probably like 10, 100, 5. -What we’re going to do is going to be first to ten point all right? -How’d you get a point? -Your main mission is to bounce the ball first in your half of the table and it goes over the net and it bounces in my half of the table. If I miss it, that’s a point to you. If I return it and it bounces in your half and you miss it that’s a point to me. Does that make sense? -Kind of -One thing that is important Rosie, is that it’s all about your serves, okay? So you have to bounce it in your half for it to be a proper serve okay? -I did it! -Well done Rosie, I’m so proud of you! You’ve won! (Audience cheering ‘Yeah!) The forfeit that comes with every lost point is a shot of Sweden’s finest liquor. And what’s great is that we haven’t had lunch yet, so we’re going to get drunk super fast. -Excellent. -Rosie it’s game on. It’s one to ten. How do you feel about your spin serve? Don’t know what that means?
I’m counting on it. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) What if it doesn’t bounce in my thing?
-That, oh, what my serve? It will do, if that make sense. -But if it didn’t bounce and I hit it before it bounced do you still get a point? -It depends where it lands, Rosie. -It doesn’t land (laughing) Do you know what? You’re not listening. -No Rosie, it depends where your shot lands. -I’m saying what if it bounces; say I’m you and it bounces in mine but then you go (plop sound) before it bounces. -I can do that. -Right, but who gets the point? -Can I say I’m a backhanded kind of girl. -Yeah, I know I get backhanded compliments all the time. Let’s go. -Right, that is one point to me! Drink a Swedish shot! -I’m not drinking a whole one. -Rosie, remember, your skills only improve with alcohol. -All right, put it down and let’s go. Come on. -Good shot Rosie! -(Screaming) -That was technically my point but let’s get a rally. I hit it off the table, so I guess I’ll take a shot even though technically you’re going out– okay fine. Is it the same stuff? -Yeah. -Oh this is good on an empty stomach. Cheers. It’s my spin serve -What’s a spin serve? It’s called drunk ping pong for a reason. You can’t be sober during drunk ping pong, what kind of rule is that? If you’re getting too drunk we could always just ditch the point system and talk and bitch about the other lesbian YouTubers. -Yeah! -I hate them all! -Me too. -All right! Well done, Rosie. You’re getting good. Well, you’re not getting ‘good’ -You’re not doing–we can’t say this is a shot, that’s a sip -If you want to ditch the point system then fine. -Yeah, I do. -So what’s new? (More screaming from Rosie and Rose laughing at her cuteness) -Yeah, it has to bounce here. -Are you asking do you need to use your bat in the game? Okay, that wasn’t going to go anywhere. I hate to be a show-off but I’m one of those lesbians that’s really good at everything. (Rosie screams again because her wife is impressive) -Yas! Screw the scoring system, we’re just going to try and get a rally. We’ve got to improve your skills rather than beat you down. -Fine. -You’re not at a board meeting. What’re you doing? -Yeah, no, I’m aware I’m not at a board meeting, Rose. I’m holding a paddle ball bat in my hand. And if I was at a board meeting I’d have more tit. -One -That’s your fault. -That was your fault. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 -(Rosie screaming) -Okay, I’ll pin you an insult. -Or a love message. -No, I’ll stick with insults and you stick with love messages. -No, I’ll stick with insults. -You’re worried about, um, aging and you’re considering Botox. -I can’t believe you said that. -(Rose laughing because she thinks she’s hilarious) -(Rosie screaming because she done fucked up) (Both laughing) -Fuck’s sake! Get this one. That’s cherry! Cherry! -I want the cherry. -No, I’ve got the cherry. -Aww, is there only one? -Is it good? -No, it tastes like barf. When I used to play badminton competitively ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) -(Rose gets distracted by the clatter of Rosie’s paddle) When I used to play badminton competitively ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) What are you– Why? Why are you ruining everything? But I used to spin my badminton racquet because it really got into the psyche of the other opponent. So– don’t you do it. No. Don’t you do it. (Clatter) This is what I like to call psyching out your opponent. Are you ready? -Yeah. -It’s all about eye contact, also lack of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and also intimidating body behaviour. You ready? -Okay. -Make yourself look bigger. Because that’s always important. You want to tower over your opponent, okay? You want to tower. You want to show more flesh, actually. That is intimidating. Yeah but–I just saw your nipple! Come on, Rosie. Yes. I mean no, but I mean no. (Rose screaming now because she got hit in the face) When you suffer from an injury related to ping pong you have to be really super serious about that because one thing I will say about ping pong balls is that they have a lot of sharp edges. -Have you ever seen that that’s a special, like, kind of, you know? You know? -Any gossip? (Injured Pingu noises) I’ve got a can of Pina Colada. -What if I can’t be drinking that shit? This is hardcore liquor. It tastes like shite. It’s 40%! -Oh, that’s why it feels all right. Still don’t know if I like Pina Colada. Taste like my vomit when I was, like, sixteen. -I’m a little bit drunk. I mean, I’m not even kidding. I’m not even, I’m not even kidding. I’ll probably pay better. -Did you just say ‘I’ll probably pay better?’ -Yeah. Yeah, see we’re playing better. -Who won? (More screaming) -I’m not going lie, this 40% is affecting my game 40%. -Should we go to the cinema later? I mean, no. So, have you ever been in a situation where you’ve gotten someone’s (inaudible)? -Yeah. -Who wasn’t me, recently. -Yeah. Well, not recently. -Who? -I don’t want to say it on camera. -Really? Is there someone? -Yeah. -Someone we know? A YouTuber? -Yeah. -Really?! -I felt slightly uncomfortable so I was very quick to, like, change topics. -Reeallyy. With every hit of the ball you’ve got to say one positive word that best describes me and I’m going to do the same. Okay. Drunk! -That’s not a positive word! -Yeah! It’s positive when you’re drunk, trust me! -All right, go. -Lactose intolerant! -Eyebrows. (More injured Pingu) -Nice veins. -Try and do it into my ass cheeks. -All right, that’s it from us. I’m 100% feeling drunk because that is… -It’s not over until you spank me with a bat. -Ow!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *