Butterfly Price Increases in Table Tennis

Time to start our Butterfly Table Tennis Heads
of Department meeting. The focus of this meeting is our latest round of price increases for
our equipment – it’s been over two weeks since our last increase so we are well overdue for
another price rise. Before we go around the room, I’d just like
to say thank you for your hard work and congratulations on another terrific set of results. It’s great
to see that Japan can beat China at something relating to table tennis. Over to you, marketing. Thanks very much.
Our marketing research shows us that Butterfly are seen as the Apple of Table Tennis. Innovative trend setters with a reputation
of high quality? No, a greedy corporation with over hyped products,
a rabid fanboy base and with a reputation of high prices. But what about our famous Butterfly logo?
Isn’t that helping us? No, players are now describing our logo as
a two fingered up yours sign. That’s terrible! What can we do about it? We suggest that instead of trying to change
their minds, we should go with it. We are looking into changing the Butterfly wings into a set
of vampire teeth along with a new corporate slogan – Butterfly! We Suck – all the money
from your wallet! We might need some more market research on
that one. OK, let’s hear from Finance. Our profits are higher than ever before, mainly
due to the increase in prices for our flagship Tenergy rubbers. In 2010 Tenergy 05 was costing
around $5 to make, and selling for $50 a sheet. Now it costs $7 to make, and we charge $75
a sheet. $75 a sheet? You must be kidding me! A thousand apologies, o glorious leader. You should be sorry. You’ve had five years,
the price should have doubled to $100 by now! In better news, recent global currency fluctuations
have caused us to raise prices. Really? Has the yen weakened? Who cares? Any currency fluctuation is a good
reason to raise prices. We have also come up with a new financing
method to allow ordinary players to afford our rubbers. We call it the “Just Kidding”
method. Players can sell a kidney in order to buy one of our Tenergy rubbers. I see. And the great thing is that they have
two kidneys, one for each side of the bat! What do marketing think about this? They are all for it. They said we can also
modify our logo to show two kidneys side by side. Won’t that be cute! Why are marketing so obsessed with our logo?
What about buying a blade? I see that some of our latest blades are over $400. How can
players afford that? Well, they still have a liver to sell, don’t they? I notice that we still have Orthodox rubber
available at $12. What’s up with that? Don’t worry, that’s just old hardbat stock
at the original prices. How old? From around 1955. I don’t think we’ve made
any more since then. Some guy from the USA buys a couple of sheets every few years, so
we keep them on hand. Thank you Finance. Now let’s hear from Production. Due to the introduction of the new plastic
balls, we have a huge number of cheap celluloid 1 star balls that we can’t get rid of. Label them as plastic 3 star balls and sell
them for $3 a ball. No one will be able to tell the difference. We are also finding it difficult to keep up
with demand for our latest rubber, Virginator 40. Our big selling point is that the rubbers
are rolled between the thighs of virgins, but we are finding it hard to find any these
days. Don’t worry about it, you just have to know
where to look. Yeah, the pay sucks, but I can work from home
using skills I’ve already developed. Plus I get all the booster oil I can use. Time to move on to our Legal Head of Department. The ITTF have recently come around for their
annual protection money – err licencing fee. Nice place you have here, it would be a shame
if all those celluloid balls spontaneously combusted, wouldn’t it? Hand over the money. Oh well, easy come, easy go. What has been
happening with Quality Control? We have conducted studies which confirm that
our equipment makes players perform better. Great! How so? Well, the players move faster around the court
because we have lightened their wallets. No seriously. What proof is there that players
play better with our products? Players on table tennis forums say so. And
we say so. What more proof do we need? True dat. Thank you Quality Control, now what’s
been happening with Customer Service? On second thought, let’s not get into anything to do
with service in table tennis, let’s move along to IT. I think somebody has been hacking into our
servers, it’s all over the table tennis forums about our plans to change the names of Tenergy
05 to Tenergy 105, to match the new price. Bastards! Send the goon squad out to deal
with them! Finally, let’s hear from our R&D department. Good news! We have come up with an amazing
new discovery, rubbers that don’t wear out! You’re all fired!
Now, who are we going to replace the R&D team with? I know, log onto the table tennis
forums and you’ll find lots of table tennis physicists and engineers, all willing to work
for peanuts. OK people, that’s a wrap. We’ll meet again
in a month to discuss our next price rise and to check on how our new R&D team are
coming along with the idea I came up with this morning – a sandpaper covered ball. That
will reduce the lifespan of rubbers everywhere. And remember our corporate mission statement
– We are Butterfly, You are Broke!

4 thoughts on “Butterfly Price Increases in Table Tennis

  1. I heard about the research to develop the E-bat : computerised/radar equipped…that transforms/boosts any player performance to MaLong/Waldner levels. Price is kept secret .
    Nice video.

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