Brewstew – Youth Baseball

Alright, now when I was a kid,
a played a lot of baseball. And for the most part, every team
that I’ve been a part of, has been terrible. But all that changed, when I played for the team,
called ‘The Trojans’ in middle school. You see, in middle school
it’s a big difference, playing baseball. You’re older now, and your coaches
don’t have to be nice to you all the time. This wasn’t tee-ball, where your coach
gives you praise no matter what you do. “Ah, you did so great, little Billy!” “Even though you were digging
in your ass crack half the time in the outfield.” “You get a juice box, way to go, champ!” No, it’s not like that. All of a sudden I’m 12 years old,
and my coach is some 44-year-old man who smokes cigarettes and calls me an asshole,
when I get thrown out stealing second. Now, this guy was just an angry man in general. I’m not sure, what his home life was like. But it probably consisted of a lot of divorce and a lot of lonely nights
eating the Hungry Man TV dinners. But he taught us baseball
in a very simple, but effective way. If you missed a grounder, you had to run a lap. If you struck out, had to run a lap. If you forgot to wear your jockstrap.. well, guess what?
Your ass is running a lap! And you don’t want to forget
your jockstrap, let me tell you! “You guys need to protect your nuts!
You hear me?!” “You guys feel more ground balls with your crotch
than you do with your goddamn glove!” Sometimes he’d even have a kid
go around with a baseball bat tap everybody in the crotch
just to make sure you were wearing a cup. Now, we had some classy individuals
on our team, let me tell you! There was our catcher Adam,
how had a big-ass retainer in his mouth. Nobody could understand what the hell he was saying. “SSSheyeverybodySSSSSwhatSSSSsSSSSgoingSSSSSonSSS!” “What did he say?” “I don’t know, I think he’s speaking
fucking Portuguese or something” You had our first baseman Mark who our coach hated, because he could never
remember any of the signals, when he was at bat. Our coach would be at third base, giving him signs. Mark would be standing there, all perplexed. “What the hell is he doing? La Macarena?!” “What do you want me to do, Coach?” “God damn it, Mark, BUNT!” “I WANT YOU TO BUNT, YOU DENSE BASTARD!” And then you had Dennis. And Dennis had it the worst,
because Dennis was the coach’s kid! No matter what Dennis did,
it was never good enough. “Jesus Christ, Dennis! You’re swinging
the bat like a goddamn golden girl!” “It’s no wonder, why your mother left us, holy hell!” But even if we were incompetent, our psychopath
coach would always find us a way to win our games. He’d pull as aside in the dugout: “All right, we’re down 3 runs. You guys
are forgetting that baseball is a mental game!” “Here, watch this!” “Hey, pitcher! The hospital just called!” “Your grandma just broke her hip,
trying to wipe her ass!” “She’s in critical condition!” “Oh no, not Mimo!” “See? Now his head is all screwed up,
he can’t even focus on pitching now!” “Oh my God, my Mimo is in trouble!” He’d have Adam talk to the batters,
keep speaking Portuguese?” (Whooosh-pop!)
“Strike three!” But of course, the other teams we played
against, would talk some shit too. I mean, our team name
was ‘The Trojans’ for Christ’s sake! We pretty much asked for it. “Hey, Trojans! I didn’t know
condoms knew how to play baseball” “Yeah, well, at least we won’t have to worry
about STDs when we’re fucking you in the playoffs!” (Whoosh-pop!)
“Strike three!” “Oh, God damn it!” Now, thanks to our verbally abusive coach
and all of our shit talking we were actually a pretty good team! Hell, we even made it
to the city championship in our division. And the city championship is a pretty big deal. Everybody’s family comes out to watch the game. “Is that my uncle Bob?
I thought he was still in prison!” “Hey, Billy, why don’t you keep your fuckin’
mouth shut out there and mind your own business?!” All right, Play ball! Now we were pretty
confident we were gonna win this game. That is we were confident, until we’ve seen
the team that we had to play against. Because every kid on this goddamn team looked like the fuckin’ Russian
from Rocky 4 for Christ’s sake! They were huge! They’re using our own players as bats and shit. The pitcher’s throwing arm
is twice the size of his other arm. Everybody on our team
is too petrified to swing the bat. “God damn it, Mark! Lean into it
or something! Take one for the team!” (Whooosh-thud!) “Holy smokes! Did that kid
just get murdered by a baseball?!” “Nah, I know a dead kid
when I see one, he’s all right!” “All right, Mark, that’s what I’m talking about!
That’s as good as a hit!” “As good as a hit, Mark!” “If he dies, he dies.” By the third inning we’re
getting completely destroyed! People are leaving the bleachers and shit. “Hey, Billy, if I wanted to see a bunch
of guys get their asses pounded in..” “I would’ve just stayed in prison!
Thanks for nothing!” Our coach is at total denial. He just starts swearing at the umpire. “God damn it, blue! Why don’t you just
give them the trophy, you crooked asshole!” “Hey, buddy, that’s not a nice thing to say!” “I’m gonna throw you out of the game!” And just like that (Whhhoooop!) our coach got thrown out of the game. And now we’re just standing
there, with no coach. “Well, what are we gonna do now, coach ourselves?” “Hey, Dennis! Uhm… I’ve seen
a crippled kid swing the bat better!” “It’s no wonder why your mom has
a new boyfriend every other week!” By the fifth inning we’re down by, like, 15 runs. The umpire is looking at us, like: “Look, we all got shit to do today, right?
I’m just gonna call the game, they won!” “We have won, victory, comrades!” “Glory to the USSR!” So we got mercied in our championship game,
which is quite an embarrassing way to lose. Our coach is in the parking lot, like: “What happened? Did you guys
rally together and win the game?!” “Uhm, no. We lost so bad,
that we weren’t even allowed to finish the game.” “Oh, well, that’s the way it goes.” “Just remember, I’m proud of you, guys!
And you guys played your best, all right?” “Except for you, Dennis!
You played like shit!” “It’s no wonder why your mom is out there,
selling her body on the streets.” Special Thanks to:
Christopher Bowlin, Riley Osborne, Benjamin Nelson. Special thanks to: (These wonderful people) &
All the other patrons!

100 thoughts on “Brewstew – Youth Baseball

  1. This might not be related but… I find the distractive and unruly amount of pondering and wondering I have going on in the back of my mind about the significance of that number 33, that quite regularly makes its appearance through and throughout these great set of vastly entertaining Brewstew stories disturbing. But, more to the point, after having to watch this for a second time spending a little less attention on favourable numbers I have, I could only but walk away from this, once again, chuckling my goddamn breath away, and now knowing that it'll make have me laughing again as I put my head to the pillow to go to sleep when it reappears in my thoughts tonight, I must once again give this guy the kudos he deserves!
    Thanks for uploading this shit, Mr Brewstew, sir! You're one entertainingly brilliant storytelling piece of shit who undoubtedly deserves the credits due on my bank account after I get done purchasing the fuck out of your merchandised goods and shit, I won't deny. But, yeah… kudos, great job once again, and keep 'em coming, yeah! Fuck them cats playing the piano high views count bullshit. This, this is what the world needs.


  2. I was working for uber
    I said you watch Brewstewfilms
    He said who?
    I lost my drivers license and got banned from uber after

  3. a copycat friend of mine said he was animating everything here. can anyone verify this!!!!!! im so angry 😡 😡😡😡😡😡😡

  4. Not complaining, I think it’s funny but just wondering why does he say alright right in the beginning of every video he makes 😂😂😂😂

  5. In softball this shit starts at like 8U. The parents are so goddamn petty.

  6. Things have changed. I’m a Junior in high school and the coaches son is the Quarterback and cry’s for 5 minuets whenever he isn’t doing good. And his dad doesn’t do anything about it!

  7. Brush you messing with meh Russian friends?! grabs base ball bat do it again it not funny when I Russian

  8. 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦👉👌👌👌👌👌👅👅👅💦💦💦💧💧💧💦💧💧✌✋✌👋✊👋✊👋✌✌✋✋✊👊✋✊✋👉👐👇👆👇👇👆👆👇👆👆👉👎👍👌✊✋✊✋✊✋💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦🙏👏🙏👏👆👋👊👋✊😒✊✋👊✋👊✋👊☝👉☝😝😝😝👈👉👈👈👈👈👉👉👉💦💦💦💧💧💧💧💧😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😺😸👨😸👸😸💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦✌✌👊👎✊👎👊👌👊👌✊👌✊👌

  9. Fuckin that shit right there just saved me from the must horrible thank you brewtser I'm drunk as fucker face my sister is a whore God bless you

  10. we had a kid who would throw his hat off while playing left field and spin in circles and cry. good times

  11. No all coaches try to be like that it’s to instill a fear of them so you always listen to them I played football and my parents were friends with the coaches and they acted completely different away from the field

  12. "Theres my uncle I thought he was in prison!"
    "Hey Billy how bout you shut the fuck up and mind ur business!"

  13. I was actually in youth baseball

    It sucked.i was getting bit by mosquitoes in the Oklahoma summer heat.

  14. I was my teams catcher and I got thrown out of the came from talking and saying hey your shoes untied you look down I was got thrown out but then when I am watching I say hey look at me I’m a monkey in a tree Booga Booga Booga because I’m only 10😓😂😂🤣🤣

  15. Petition to get brewstew to make a diss track on the all Storytime Animators he can get his stick figure hands on.

  16. Now that I've learned more Japanese, your videos are much easier to understand. I love the way you subtitle everything

  17. My middle school youth football team was called the Trojans and we went to state and loss to the NFL sponser team. I swear you lived my life

    And we had the same Trojan jokes

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